


I Don't Think Words Can Express Your Beauty

by lukeinallhisglory



Series: Malum [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Coming Out, Declarations Of Love, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Porn With Plot, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-15 22:16:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7240633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukeinallhisglory/pseuds/lukeinallhisglory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Calum and Michael grow up a lot, and find out quickly that they're nothing without each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Think Words Can Express Your Beauty

**Author's Note:**

> This one has been a work in progress, but I think I'm pretty happy with the end result. It's also my first pairing without Luke, so... It also might be the longest thing I've ever posted, so that's cool. Anyway, I don't own them and whether they're gay or not is none of my business, and all that jazz.  
> Title from "Scene One - James Dean & Audrey Hepburn" by Sleeping With Sirens

It was love filled gazes that ended up pushing us together. When it happened the first time, it was short lived and almost got us caught.

“Michael? Are you awake?” Calum was outside my hotel room. Luke had been here earlier, and if Calum failed Ashton would try, too. I like my sleep. Calum let himself in, and I felt the bed shift as he climbed in next to me. “We have to get to the airport, Mikey,” Calum murmured, his voice hushed and full of something.

I opened my eyes to find him watching me with a look of pure adoration. “What are you looking at me like that for?”

“’S nothing,” he lied, barely changing his expression.

“I’m naked,” I apparently felt the need to share with him.

“Ok.”

“Well, I’m getting up, you can go.” I prompted.

He surged forward and met my lips, a noise of surprise from me quickly turning into a whine as he crawled on top of me. Our tongues slid against each other, our breath hot, our lips working desperately. It lasted probably no more than 45 seconds before we were interrupted.

“Michael!?” Ashton’s voice called, a knock coming from outside. Calum and I jumped apart, Calum successfully finding his way off of the bed before the door opened again and Ashton walked in. “You’re up!” He grinned. “Good work, Cal.”

I was watching Calum closely, noting how pink he was, and how dark his eyes were. “Ok, I need to get dressed, so everyone can get out now,” Ashton left and Calum lingered for a moment longer, just long enough for me to note that he didn’t want to leave.

After that morning we spent a long time talking over what we meant to each other. Calum would come to my room at night and we would spend hours sitting awake and talking.

“I feel like if we act on this, the band could collapse,” Calum admitted one night while we were watching TV.

“Act on us?” I sat up, breaking away from him and turning to watch his response.

He gulped under my gaze and then mumbled a, “Yeah.”

“I do too,” I agreed.

And after that, our late night talking sessions ended, and there was never another kiss after the first one.

We still touched too long, and watched each other too much. We still took any excuse to be alone, and probably enjoyed it too much. We still felt the air tighten when one of us caught the other staring. We still cared too much.

Over the next year we both changed a lot. Calum filled out, and turned into a cheeky little bastard, no longer lacking confidence the way he used to. I eventually worked out my own sexuality and even came out to my family and the rest of the band.

It was the night that I came out that our silent pact to not act on us was broken. There was a knock at my door, and then a second later the door opened, closed again, and Calum came into view. “Hey,” I smiled at him. He looked like he was about to cry. “What’s wrong, Cal?” I climbed out of bed and met him in the middle of the room, setting my hands on his hips. He was silent for a moment, avoiding my gaze, staring right at his feet. “Come on, talk to me.”

He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them tears slid down his cheeks. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what, love?”

“Pretend this isn’t here!” He yelled, tears falling faster.

I didn’t pretend not to know what he was referring to. It was pointless. “It’s alright. We’ve been good, it’s gonna be fine,” I assured him.

“It’s not alright! I’m not fine! This is killing me!” He was still yelling, his voice verging on hysterical. “I can’t do this anymore,” he said again. “You’re out now. What do I do when you start dating, then?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m miserable now, and neither of us had ever even dated anyone else. What do I do when the man I love moves on?”

“You still love me?” I asked in a whisper, my fingers tracing his.

“Of course I do.”

“I love you, too.”

He blushed. “Wow. Ok.”

“So what do you want to do about it, Cal, because I want you…desperately.”

“The band.” He whined.

“This is what will tear it apart!” I argued. “Calum, pretending not to love you is what’s destroying both of us.”

He nodded, back to looking at his feet. “Ok.”

“Ok?” I tipped his chin up to look up me.

His eyes only met mine for a second before he grabbed me and pulled my lips to his. I kissed him back, filled so completely with elation that I didn’t really think about what was happening next. His hands were on my hips, and I was being guided to the bed. I let him lay me down, and wrapped my arms around him as he climbed on top of me. His tongue still felt the same way it had all that time ago. He was a better kisser now, and in this moment, more determined. The desperation of kissing the person you’ve been in love with for a year died down after about 20 minutes. His lips grew more gentle, his tongue less frantic, and more persistent and worshiping.

He pulled away to move his lips down my jaw, and now there was no sound buffer for the moans that he was pulling out of me. His hand moved down my stomach and then finally, finally, finally, slid over my crotch. I jumped at the contact, groaning and bucking my hips up into his touch involuntarily.

“Calum,” I whined.

Our breathing was ragged and hot, and as he pulled back to look at me his pupils were so big his eyes looked black. “Do you want to do this?” he whispered, his fingers tugging through my hair, his forehead pressed to mine.

“I don’t know how to do this.”

“It’s just me and you, there’s nothing to be afraid of. _If_ you want this.”

“God, I want you so bad, Calum,” I whined.

“Ok. So I’ll undress, and then I’m going to undress you, and then you’ll lie back and I’ll take care of you.”

“Yeah, ok.” I murmured. His fingers lifted the hem of his shirt and he had it off in a second. He climbed off of me to pull his skinny jeans off, and then his boxers, now standing in front of me entirely naked. He climbed back into bed and reached down to unbutton my jeans.

“Is this ok?” He whispered, kissing my temple. I nodded and he continued, stripping my jeans off and tossing them with his clothing. “Do you want to keep your shirt?” We were both glaringly aware of my body image issues, and the whole time I had been wondering when I would have to stop him because of them.

“I- I don’t…” I stammered.

“Do you want to stop?” Calum asked, his hands catching mine.

“No.”

“Do you want to leave your shirt on?” He asked again, squeezing my hands.

“No,” I shook my head and he leaned down and kissed me again, gentle and sweet.

“Ok,” he smiled softly. He rode up my shirt slowly, making sure I could stop him if I wanted to, and then pulled it over my head. There was no rushing anymore, his hands gliding up and down my bare arms, his mouth moving back to my neck. His fingers hooked into my boxers and he looked back up at me as he dragged them down my legs, watching to make sure I was comfortable with it. And then we were both naked, and I couldn’t pull my eyes off of him.

“Lay back,” he moved off of me and I slid down from my sitting position to put my head on the pillow. “I’m gonna make you feel good. Is that ok?”

“Mmhmm,” I whined.

He grinned and started kissing me again. His hands found my hard on and pumped a few times, not that I needed to get any harder. I moaned, my breath shaking at every touch. “Like that?” he whispered, low and rough.

“Yeah,” I squeaked. He kissed a line down from my collarbones to the line of hair at the bottom of my stomach. I let out a gasp as his breath fanned over my erection, and he moved down further, kissing the inside of my thigh, and moving upwards. “Please do something,” I begged, grabbing at his waist.

“Ok, ok,” he chuckled, kissing my cheek. He lined himself up with my cock and wrapped his lips around the tip, holding the base with one hand, stroking gently. I moaned, my breath hitching and coming out in gasps as he swirled his tongue and sucked gently and then took more of me into his mouth. He bobbed his head for a few moments, building me up.

“So good, Cal. Feels so good. Oh god, oh god,” I whimpered, bucking my hips by accident so he had to use one arm to hold me down. “Don’t wanna come like this,” I mumbled, panting hard.

He pulled off with a pop and looked up at me. “Just tell me what you want.”

“Your cock. Want you inside me.” I mumbled.

“Yeah, ok,” he nodded. He moved to sit between my legs, spreading them and bending them at the knees, planting my feet flat on the bed. He sucked on his fingers for a moment, slicking them up and then brought his hand down to my hole. He pressed one finger against me and I nodded so he pushed it in, slowly and gently, peppering my face with kisses as he did. When he reached the knuckle he pulled it back out, slowly, and then repeated the process until I was a whimpering mess.

“More,” I begged and he added a second finger, scissoring them and angling them up. He hit my prostate and I moaned loudly, my hips bucking. He went back to holding them down as he milked my prostate, pressing into it over and over. “God, god, god. Harder,” I whined and he added a third finger, watching me unravel underneath him. “I’m good,” I told him after a minute of his fingers sliding easily in and out.

He pulled his hand away and moved up, stroking himself a few times and lining himself up with me. He pushed in slowly, giving me time to adjust to the difference in size. He stroked my hair, with his clean hand, reaching down between us to pump me as he bottomed out. He waited.

“Move,” I groaned and he pulled back out, slowly pushing back in again immediately.

“You’re so tight, baby. It feels so good,” he moaned, pushing in and pulling out at a slow but regular pace now.

“Faster,” I said after a minute. His hips moved faster, and he pushed my knees up to get a better angle, satisfied when he heard the gasp that meant he found my prostate again. “Right there,” I moaned and he pounded into it, making my vision go white. And then I was coming, which he’d been prepared for even though I’d given him no warning. His hand was back on my cock to work me through it, his hips keeping their pace. The clench of me coming pushed him over the edge, too and he worked himself through. He pulled out when we were both done and he moved to kiss me again, his hands framing my face.

“I love you, Mikey,” Calum whispered.

“I love you, too.”

“So goddamn much.”

“Me too,” I agreed. He smiled, kissing me again.

There was no conversation about it right away, but we both knew that I wanted us to be public. It took a few weeks, and many more sessions like these for me to finally broach the subject.

“Cal, do you still like girls?” I asked quietly, staring at our laced fingers instead of looking at him.

“No, never did.”

“Oh.”

“Why, what’s wrong?” He made no move to try to force me to look at him yet.

“Do you ever think about, like, coming out? Just to, like, us, or your parents, or something.”

“All the time.”

“Do you think you ever will?”

“Well, yeah. Michael do you want to come out, like as us? Is that what this is about?”

“Half and half. I want you to be honest about yourself, because I know how much it sucks to be lying about it. I also want to be honest about myself, which is why I want us to come out.”

“I want us to come out, too. It’s come to the point where sex isn’t enough proof that I love you. I need to be saying that with everything I do, and everything I say, all the time. And to do that, well, if we do that, then people will know.” I smiled at his speech, still watching our hands instead of his face. “Look at me, love,” he murmured, his voice hushed. I looked up at him to find that same look of pure adoration from the day he first kissed me. “I want to do it, but I’ll need your help.”

“I’ll help however I can.”

“Ok, then.” He leaned in and kissed me lightly.

It only took a few days after that. We were backstage after a show, all of us still sweating profusely. I had a water bottle half empty in my hand and another one sitting on the table. Luke was explaining an idea he had for mixing up the set and Ashton was on the phone. Calum walked in, top off and draped over his shoulder. He plopped down next to me and dropped his head into my lap.

“Hi,” I mumbled, my hand going straight into his already curling hair.

“Hey,” he smiled at me and closed his eyes. When Ashton got off the phone he sat down next to Luke and I tossed him my unopened water bottle.

“Who was that on the phone?” Luke asked.

“Harry, he called me when we were on.”

“I need to tell you guys something,” Calum said, and he sat up. My thoughts spun as he looked back at me and then to Luke and Ashton again. “I’m-I, uh…I’m into guys,” He mumbled, suddenly unsure of how to phrase it so it wouldn’t sound too blunt.

“Oh,” was Luke’s response. “Ok.”

“I’m proud of you, mate,” Ashton grinned at him.

Calum was dead silent next to me, looking suddenly ill. “Cal, can I talk to you?” He nodded, and I led him out into the hall. “Are you ok?” I whispered, my hands slipping around his waist.

“I don’t feel so great.”

“This is a good thing, I promise.”

“I know.”

“Did you want to leave it at that?”

“No, I want to tell them.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I want to be able to hold your hand, Mikey.”

“You already can. No one would think anything of that.”

“I want them to think something of it. It means something, and I want them to know that.”

“I know, love. So let’s go tell them.” We went back in and I sat down, but Calum didn’t.

“Michael already knew. He’s known for a long time…because we’re dating.” And then he sat down next to me, and his hand slipped right into mine.

“What?” was Luke’s response. “I’m sorry, you’re what?”

“Dating.”

“The two of you?” Ashton seemed equally confused.

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry, and how long has this been going on?” Luke asked.

“I’ve known for a little over a year, I guess,” I answered. “We kissed about that long ago for the first time, but we didn’t want to break the band up.”

“You thought dating would make the band break up?” Ashton laughed lightly. Apparently the idea was preposterous.

“We were afraid of that, yeah.”

“It makes sense I guess,” Ashton shrugged.

“Yeah, in a weird way which I’m going to need a lot of time to get used to, it does,” Luke agreed.

“I’m sorry,” Calum piped up.

“There’s no reason to be sorry, love,” I squeezed his hand. “This is just how things worked out.”

“I’m just glad you’re telling us,” Ashton smiled. “Honestly, we’re happy for you.”

“Yeah, of course we are,” Luke agreed. “It’s good, really.”

“Ok,” Calum was grinning now.

“Feel better?” I murmured.

He nodded, leaning into me. “I love you, Mikey.” he burrowed himself into my chest and I planted a kiss to his mess of black curls.

“I love you, too,” I mumbled.

“Oh, gross, please, I said I needed an adjustment period, come on,” Luke complained. Ashton shielded Luke’s eyes, and Luke reached over to shield Ashton’s. I took the opportunity to kiss Calum lightly, smiling when he held on to me and deepened the kiss. We pulled back at the sound of Luke making retching noises, blushing and smirking, a little embarrassed and a little smug. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading that, and please let me know what you thought by leaving kudos and comments. If you liked it, click through and read my other stuff if you want, and other than that just keep being you.


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